


you were a good dream

by itsukkei



Series: krtsk univ au [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Tsukishima Kei, Domestic Fluff, Fuckbuddies, Implied Relationships, M/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Past Relationship(s), Pining, Possibly Unrequited Love, Romance, Smut, Tags Are Hard, Top Kuroo Tetsurou, Tsukishima Kei Needs a Hug, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:07:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25843330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsukkei/pseuds/itsukkei
Summary: He thought it was starting to rain when he saw a drop of water on his pants. But he realized that the skies weren’t the ones pouring, his eyes were.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Tsukishima Kei, Hinata Shouyou/Kageyama Tobio, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: krtsk univ au [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1879261
Comments: 22
Kudos: 138





	you were a good dream

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! Welcome to my first ever au! Please bear with my confusing way of writing TnT this was just an idea that I wrote down and just got longer after I returned to it after a couple of days.
> 
> Inspired by the song 'Lifetime' by Ben&Ben

Tsukishima did not look like the type who was afraid of commitment, nor did he look like someone who _fucks_ someone for fun. But when he revealed to his friends that he was _fuck buddies_ with someone, their first instinct was to determine if he was pranking them. But alas, he was not the type of person who enjoyed pranking his friends, he was saying the truth.

The truth was in the form of Kuroo Tetsurou, a 6’2 guy with a bedhead who was two years older than Tsukishima. He was a Civil Engineering student who happened to have the same interest as him, which was to find a person to have sexual activities with them in their free time.

His friends were shocked, no, completely horrified. Especially with the fact that it has been going on for almost 2 months. They were also bothered by the fact that he was not completely telling them the truth. He had another motive for his actions, and they were sure it was not just because he wanted someone to _fuck_ in his free time. 

Akaashi, his best friend, knew better than to believe Tsukishima’s bullshit. He knew him well enough to see through his lies, he was deceiving his friends and he was doing a horrible job at it. If there was one person he will never be able to fool, it was Akaashi. He was going to find out the truth sooner or later.

* * *

Tsukishima was painting another portrait when someone knocked on his door. Without looking at the door, he quietly muttered for the person to come in.

“Are you busy?” it was Akaashi at the door.

“Kind of. But you can come in. What is it?” he continued the light strokes of his paintbrush on the canvas, taking note of the correct angle of the shadings. He may be doing this as a hobby but that did not mean he was going to be careless about it. He was passionate about painting; about every single stroke he makes whilst pouring his emotions on the canvas.

Tsukishima was an aloof individual; he was not the type of person to vent out his emotions to someone. But if there was one person who understood him the most, it was Akaashi. He understood every stroke he made, every color he used on his canvas. Being his friend for almost 8 years, as well as being an artist himself, he understood him very well. But despite knowing what every painting Tsukishima made held, he also was not the type to just barge into his business. He knew the situations where he can intrude, and this was not one of them.

“I’m not going to meddle with your business because I know that when you’re ready to tell me, you will. But I just want to ask you one thing,” Akaashi took careful strides towards Tsukishima, taking in the piece he was so focused on. At that moment, he already knew what Kei was feeling. But he wanted to hear the answer from Tsukishima himself. 

“What is it, Keiji?” for the first time since he came in, Tsukishima turned his head towards Akaashi. His eyes yielded emotions that were too raw for Akaashi to take in. This was the first time that his golden eyes held something different than sarcasm or amusement.

“Are you happy?”

“I am. I really am,” 

At that moment, Akaashi knew that he was only telling half the truth. But if Tsukishima says that he is happy, he will believe him. Akaashi will let Tsukishima do what he wants, what he thinks is best for him. He knows that there will come a day that Tsukishima tells him the truth. But for now, he’ll accept Tsukishima’s answer.

“That’s good. That was all I needed to know. I guess I better head out,” Akaashi walks away from Tsukishima, stopping at the front of his bedroom door.

“Hey, Kei.”

“Yes?”

“I’ll always be here for you,” Akaashi headed out the door, leaving Tsukishima on his own once again.

* * *

With his book bag hanging from his shoulder and his headphones blasting music, Tsukishima Kei had a blank look on his face the moment he stepped out of his car. He remained unbothered even at the sight of his fellow schoolmates whispering about him. A few of them had a curious look in their faces, but most of them had disgusted expressions. They were just a bunch of homophobic people who had nothing else to do. Either way, he didn’t care.

His solitude was interrupted when someone placed an arm around his shoulders. By the scent that invaded his nose and the way that his heartbeat increased, he already knew who it was.

Tsukishima was already accustomed to the smell of Kuroo’s perfume. It was the usual masculine scent but with a hint of sweetness to it. It wasn’t one of those perfumes that were too overpowering or disturbing, it was just the right amount of intoxicating, especially when it surrounded Tsukishima while he was in Kuroo’s bed.

“You cooked breakfast but you left me to eat with Bokuto again.” Kuroo frowned at Tsukishima while the latter just rolled his eyes at the former’s silliness. Here he goes again with his tantrums that always ended with Tsukishima consoling him by promising to stay the next day. He never did, but he had his reasons.

“You know why I don’t stay, right? Stop sulking, it doesn’t fit you Kuroo-san.” Tsukishima shrugged his arm off his shoulders and continued his path towards his lecture hall. “Anyway, why did you insist on meeting me this morning? Your class starts at 11 today, right?”

“Can’t I miss my favorite person?” Kuroo teased as he returned his arm on Tsukishima’s shoulders. The latter then turned to look at him with disbelief evident on his face.

“No. You’re being weird, Kuroo-san.” Tsukishima looked forward again after almost bumping into a student. He murmured an apology and looked at Kuroo with questioning eyes.

“Fine, fine! You caught me! Here!” in his other hand was a paper bag. Inside was a huge cup of caramel macchiato and two slices of his favorite cake, strawberry shortcake.

Tsukishima tried so hard to keep himself from smiling, but when he succeeded, the blush that surfaced on his face betrayed him. The guy who was only supposed to be his fuck buddy remembered his favorites. He wanted to punch himself for the small hope that bloomed in his heart, for the reappearance of the feelings he has tried so hard to keep from resurfacing.

“What’s this for, Kuroo-san?” he peeked inside the paper bag again, making sure he was not hallucinating when he saw the strawberry shortcake. He glanced at Kuroo who was now smiling while rubbing the back of his neck, the arm that was around Tsukishima now at his side.

“Well, I just thought that you cook not only for me but also for Bokuto. I might as well give you something to eat in the morning. Knowing you, you probably skipped breakfast again,” Tsukishima was about to answer but Kuroo stopped him. “Don’t even try to deny it. We’ve been seeing each other for almost 3 months, Kei.”

“2 months. But attending to each other’s sexual needs does not equate to seeing each other, Kuroo-san. We have only been having sexual endeavors. Don’t add another meaning to it, people might misunderstand your words.” Before entering his lecture room, Tsukishima turned to face Kuroo.

“Later?”

“Later.”

It was only one word but they both knew what it meant. They both knew what the word entailed and neither of them will be backing out.

* * *

Tongues dancing to the tune of the music only Kuroo and Tsukishima can hear. Hands grasping anything, everything, just to satiate the growing need for the other’s touch.

Tsukishima was doomed and he knew that before their relationship even started.

Breaths tangling, mixing with the other, as they pant and catch their breath after their tongues danced for what seemed like forever. Lips both red and swollen, their foreheads rested against each other. Kuroo smiled the same smile that captures Tsukishima’s heart every single time before he leaned in for another breathtaking kiss. 

A pair of hands squeezed Tsukishima’s thigh, urging him to wrap it around Kuroo’s torso. He obliged, the latter carrying him without any sort of struggle. The former then busied himself with wrapping his arms around Kuroo’s neck, running his hands through his hair, grabbing and tugging every strand he got his hands on. 

Not even a second later, Tsukishima’s bare back was against a wall, both of their shirts now nowhere to be seen. Kuroo’s lips were now pressed on his neck, nibbling and biting, right on the spot that made him moan. Kuroo was for sure going to leave a mark, but Tsukishima did not mind. He never did. At least this way, he felt as if he belonged to Kuroo, he felt as if Kuroo belonged to _him_.

Tsukishima felt the soft sheets against his back as Kuroo lowered him on the bed, not breaking yet another kiss that they shared. Kuroo grabbed Tsukishima’s pants and tugged it with one swift motion. He was never one to fumble, to do things with even a slight tinge of panic. He always made the experience smooth and pleasurable, one of the things that Tsukishima was sure he would never find in another person.

Despite only being fuck buddies, Kuroo made sure that he wasn’t just using Tsukishima. He wanted to make it pleasurable, worthwhile for him. He always made sure that it was a slow-paced dance, only increasing in pace when necessary.

Tsukishima was sure that he will never be able to forget the way Kuroo treated him during their sexual endeavors, not because he will regret it (not fully anyways), but it was something that he knew would be a requirement for Kuroo’s replacement in his heart.

Each tug, each stroke, delivered a sense of pleasure to Tsukishima. But with each tug also came a sting, a tinge of pain, to his heart. He knew he was going to regret it in the morning like he always did ever since their first time, but he let his hormones take control of his actions. He locked himself and his feelings inside of his heart as if he were just watching what was happening to him. He knew better than to enjoy the experience than to get lost in the pleasure then get crushed by the pain the second it stops. 

Every thrust, every moan, was another tear secretly shed for himself. This went on for a few more minutes before Kuroo stopped.

“Hey, I’m sorry. Was I being too much?” Tsukishima was brought back to his consciousness when Kuroo talked. He was confused, he didn’t know why Kuroo was suddenly apologizing.

“Huh? What do you mean?” 

“You were crying, Kei. Was I hurting you?” _Yes, more than you can imagine. But it isn’t your fault anyway._

“No, no. It just uh―it just felt really good. I’m sorry for worrying you,” Tsukishima shyly answered, silently cursing himself for letting a few of his tears spill out. He risked himself getting found out and he still wasn’t ready to let go of Kuroo just yet.

“Oh, fuck. I thought I was hurting you,” Kuroo sighed with relief then wiped the tears on his cheeks. He smiled at Tsukishima then kissed him senseless once more.

_This is what my life’s going to be like from now on, huh?_

* * *

“Good morning, Tsukki!”

“Morning, Kei!”

His friends were too rowdy in the morning, but he was used to it. They were the ones that stuck with him throughout the years and contrary to popular belief, he appreciated all the help he got from them. He lost countless opportunities of gaining friends because of his attitude and he was glad that they understood his way of showing his feelings.

“Kei, you okay? You look bothered?” it always shocked Tsukishima at how fast Akaashi can sense when something is troubling him. He always knew when to ask, when to meddle, if he had problems.

“It’s nothing. I just have a paper that I need to pass this afternoon and I’m not quite sure if it’s good enough,” Akaashi already sensed that he was lying but he knew better than to point it out, so he let Tsukishima off the hook.

Oikawa nudged Tsukishima with a small pout on his face. He grabbed the latter’s right arm and looped his arms around it, a trait Oikawa had whenever he wants someone to share their gossips.

“I’m jealous, Kei-chan. You don’t hang out with us that much anymore. It’s either you’re getting banged by your ‘fubu’ or you’re finishing your requirements.” Oikawa made air quotations when he mentioned the word ‘fubu’.

Tsukishima’s other arm was then grabbed by Sugawara, who mirrored the way Oikawa looped his arms around Tsukishima’s right arm.

“And when you’re actually with us, you just stick to Keiji. We also want the juicy stories, the gossip.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes at their antics. There they go again wanting information about his relationship with Kuroo. Well, not a relationship, but that is not the point.

“You do know that I’m not going to disclose anything, right?” he pulled both his arms away from the two guys and walked faster. He did not like confrontations, especially if it’s about his situation with Kuroo.

He was glad that they didn’t meddle with his business after that. He finally got some peace and quiet. But it seemed like he talked too soon because someone suddenly shouted his name from across the hall to the cafeteria.

“KEI!” he knew that voice all too well. Especially if it groaned his name almost every other night.

He thought he was finally getting the intrusive Oikawa and Sugawara off his shoulders, but it seemed like he thought wrong. Adding Kageyama, Yamaguchi, and Yachi who weren’t there when he introduced Kuroo a week ago, he knew that they were going to get more inquisitive after this.

Kuroo approached them with a huge smile on his face. He immediately placed his arm around Tsukishima’s shoulders and greeted the friends who were already introduced to them. He also greeted Kageyama who was already arguing with his boyfriend, Hinata. That’s when Tsukishima noticed that Kuroo was also with his friends, which made their group rowdier. Iwaizumi was already getting annoyed by Oikawa like Akaashi was with Bokuto.

Tsukishima noticed a long-haired blonde who was quietly playing with a Nintendo Switch at the back of the huge group. He had a suspicion as to who that person was but before he jumped into conclusions, he decided to ask Kuroo first.

“Kuroo-san,” he called Kuroo who immediately turned to him. He gestured to the blonde guy and looked at him with a questioning look.

“That’s Kenma. I’ll introduce him when he puts down his Switch. He doesn’t like getting interrupted in the middle of his games,” Kuroo confirmed his suspicion which made him want to break down on the spot. He was the reason it all started, the reason why he was in this situation in the first place. He wanted to hate him, but he also wanted to thank him at the same time. If it wasn’t for him, he wouldn’t be in this agreement with Kuroo.

When Kuroo noticed that Kenma placed his Switch in his hoodie, he immediately approached him with Tsukishima still in his arms.

“Kei, this is Kenma, my best friend. Kenma, this is Kei,” Tsukishima’s heart immediately broke after Kuroo finished his sentence. It reminded him of their situation, their agreement. He wanted to vomit but he held it in.

“Hi, I’m Kozume Kenma,”

“Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo has told me so much about you.”

* * *

_(A few months prior)_

Tsukishima was too sober for his own liking. His friends were busy having fun, getting stupid drunk, and yet there he was, sitting without even a single drop of alcohol in him. He was too busy watching an aggravated Kuroo Tetsurou who was asking for more drinks from the bartender. One of his friends has been going back and forth, checking on him while tending to their other drunk friends.

He was deciding whether to approach him or not. It wasn’t like he had unrequited feelings for him for almost a year now. Well, it was and he did, but that was not the point. He just wanted to know what made him drink 2 pints of beer, and almost a whole bottle of vodka. If he drinks more than that, he might end up getting his stomach pumped in the ER.

When he saw Kuroo ask for another shot, he decided against all the warning bells in his head and approached the heavily intoxicated guy. He sat beside his stool on the bar and took a deep breath before he faced him.

“What brought you here?” was the phrase he ended up with after he panicked in his brain. He cursed himself for his stupidity but decided to just deal with what he said.

“My best friend broke up with me. It’s been a month, but I still can’t seem to forget him,” _Oh._

In the whole year that Tsukishima had feelings for this guy, he has never seen his boyfriend. He had heard about the rumors of his relationship, but he never really knew who the boyfriend was. He didn’t care because after he heard the rumor, he didn’t pay that much attention to Kuroo. He wanted to forget him, but the feelings were still there. When he approached him, he thought he was going to get closure with his feelings, he thought he was finally going to have a reason to fully forget the guy.

But despite being a smart guy, he made a pretty dumb decision at that moment. He saw Kuroo’s vulnerability as an opportunity.

“Do you perhaps want to forget him?” Kei was cursing himself for what he was doing. _What WAS he doing?_

“I don’t know,”

“I also just got out of a relationship. That’s why I’m here, because I also want to forget,” _Lies._

“Are you fine with us helping each other…?” Tsukishima acted like he didn’t know his name, like he didn’t like this man.

“Kuroo. Kuroo Tetsurou,”

“Kuroo-san?” _Lies. He was filled with lies and he knew it._

He was going to ask one more time because he got no response, but he got cut off when Kuroo suddenly kissed him.

For the whole year that he has liked Kuroo, he has thought of a million different ways that their kiss was going to go. But he never thought of this one outcome, he never thought that when he finally has the opportunity to kiss Kuroo, he will only feel pain.

He wanted to prolong the kiss, but at the same time, he wanted to end it. Their first kiss was not as pure as Tsukishima wanted, it was full of lies and deceit. He already regrets his decision to lie to Kuroo, but it wasn’t like he could back down now.

Before he knew it, Tsukishima was surrounded by sheets with a comforting yet suffocating scent. It was familiar, it was Kuroo’s. He wanted to cherish the moment, but he didn’t allow himself to do so. He took advantage of Kuroo’s moment of weakness just because he let himself get carried away by his feelings.

He wanted to stop so badly, but he couldn’t. His pleas were getting drowned out by the screams of his heart. His pain was getting buried by the sound of his moans. His regrets were clouded by the enjoyment of his sexual encounter. His hatred for himself was getting erased by the love he has for the man who was about to take his virginity.

Kuroo’s hands left a trail of heat, burning, and etching lines that Tsukishima’s skin will never forget. His lips were touching places that his heart will always remember. He was uttering words that will forever make Tsukishima feel regret.

His hands were skilled, touching and groping places he knew will make Tsukishima moan.

But if Tsukishima thought that he was already getting the maximum amount of pain from the experience, he thought wrong. It seemed as if God was testing him, showing him that he shouldn’t have decided to take advantage of Kuroo.

As he was getting pounded, _fucked_ if you will, Kuroo uttered the words that Tsukishima will never forget. It will be etched in his brain; it will be a memory he will never be able to forget and he accepted it. He accepted it as his punishment for his lies.

_“I love you, Kenma.”_

It rang and echoed in Tsukishima’s brain even after Kuroo got tired and fell asleep. It haunted his dreams whenever he fell asleep even for just a second.

He ended up in Kuroo’s bathroom, throwing up the contents of his stomach. He was there for hours before he finally decided to leave. He wrote a note to Kuroo before he left his apartment.

_“My number is saved in your phone in case you want a repeat. Just call or text me whenever you’re free._

_\- Tsukishima Kei"_

* * *

_(Present)_

Tsukishima just observed at how comfortable Kuroo was with Kenma now. He saw no hesitations in his actions, no uncertainty, especially for someone who was interacting with an ex-boyfriend. At that moment, Tsukishima already knew what was going to happen to his relationship with Kuroo. But he chose to remain silent, he chose to become selfish. If he pretends that he didn’t know that Kuroo has already moved on, he wouldn’t have to let go of him. If the reason why they started the arrangement is gone, what was the point of continuing it right? So, he chose to become selfish. He wants to have Kuroo a little longer, even if he wasn’t his in the first place.

Akaashi chose this moment to meddle with Tsukishima’s business. This was the first time he was going to interfere while he was unsure about it. But he knew Tsukishima was troubled and he knew better than anyone else at how self-destructive he was when he was troubled.

“Kei? Can you come with me? I need a smoke,” Akaashi’s eyes told Tsukishima that he wasn’t really asking. He knew that someday, Akaashi will get tired of letting him off the hook. He already knew what was coming and he was ready to answer his questions.

Whenever Akaashi was stressed, he always smoked cigarettes. Even when their campus didn’t allow it, he always found a way to not get caught.

He burned through a couple of cigarettes before he finally talked to Tsukishima.

“Why?” it was only one word, one, and Tsukishima already knew what Akaashi was pertaining to. He was about to speak when Akaashi interrupted him.

“Please, none of your bullshit. Give me straight to the point answers,”

“I fucked up, Keiji. I took advantage of Kuroo’s weak moment, I let my feelings make my decisions. I suggested to be fuck buddies with him to make us forget about our past relationships,” Tsukishima was never one to cry, but at this moment, that was all he wanted to do.

“You’ve never had a boyfriend, Kei.” Akaashi’s voice was laced with disappointment.

“That’s the point―”

“So, you lied to him just because you wanted to be with him?” disbelief was evident in his voice. He never thought Tsukishima would stoop this low just because he liked someone. But at the same time, he wasn’t surprised. This may be the first time Tsukishima was showing this much emotion, but he still understood what it was like to make decisions that were influenced by your heart. “That’s low, Kei. Even for you,”

“I know, I know. Just, please. Let me be for a while more. I know that my time with him is running out. I just want to be selfish for a few more days,” he had a desperate look in his eyes, brimming with unshed tears, pleading not only to Akaashi but also to the Gods above, to let him have his happiness for a little longer.

“I’ll leave your decisions to yourself. I just want to tell you to take care of yourself, to guide your heart. I’m not going to tell you to change your choices. I only want what makes you happy. But if you continue this for more than the duration you’ve asked, I might interfere. Don’t hurt yourself like this. Don’t treat yourself like you don’t deserve to love someone who is actually going to love you back. Don’t limit yourself to Kuroo because we both know that there are other people out there who are going to love you the same way you love him,” Akaashi wrapped his arms around Tsukishima and patted his back as he finally let go of the tears he has been holding since they were inside the cafeteria.

* * *

Fingers running through his hair, Tsukishima had his head against Kuroo’s chest. Recently, them _cuddling_ became a regular thing. It became a habit whenever they addressed certain concerns about their agreement or when they’re simply talking about how their day went. Neither of them were really aware that it was not something actual fuck buddies do, they only thought it was natural for them to tell each other about themselves because they had that arrangement.

Tsukishima listened to the steady beat of Kuroo’s heart, his ears pressed against the latter’s warm naked chest. He paid attention to every single detail of their interaction; the way Kuroo softly spoke, the way his chest moved up and down, the way he ran his fingers in his hair, and the way his eyes shined whenever he talked about something he liked. Tsukishima realized just how much he wanted Kuroo’s eyes to shine when he talked about him, he wanted to be one of the things that Kuroo liked.

“…then Bokuto ran into the wall because he’s really that stupid.” Kuroo’s soft but hearty laugh tugged at Tsukishima’s heartstrings. He never wants the moment to end. He wanted a lot of things, but that’s only because he knew they will never come true.

“Hey, Kei. Your birthday is coming, right? Is there anything you want as a gift?” He was shocked that Kuroo knew when his birthday was. He never really told him when it was, but the fact that he knew, made Tsukishima’s small hope grow. He grabbed onto that small bit of hope, hoping that he wouldn’t have to let go of it.

“I’m not really sure what I want to receive, Kuroo-san. I’m not really the type to appreciate gifts,” Kuroo scoffed at Tsukishima’s answer, disbelief evident in his expression.

“There’s not one person in the world who wouldn’t want a gift, Kei. I’ll give you something even when you say you won’t appreciate it,” he had a hint of determination in his voice, proving to Tsukishima that he really did indeed plan on giving him a gift.

“It’s up to you, Kuroo-san.” Tsukishima hid his face in Kuroo’s chest, hiding the fact that he was blushing.

He realized that he was betraying Akaashi with what he was doing. He promised him that he will end their arrangement in a few days, yet there he was, enjoying the said arrangement. His actions were being controlled by his emotions once again. He snapped out of it, immediately changing his demeanor. He directed his attention to Kuroo who immediately stopped running his hands through Tsukishima’s hair when he looked up at him.

“I have a question, Kuroo-san. I hope you don’t mind,” Kuroo just continued messing with Tsukishima’s hair, a gesture for him to continue.

“Have you moved on?” to say that Kuroo was startled was an understatement. He didn’t expect Tsukishima to ask him that question that night. He knew that the question was unavoidable, but he didn’t expect Tsukishima to ask so soon.

He suddenly raised the top half of his body, stringing Tsukishima along with him. He rested his back against the headboard of his bed, arms around Tsukishima, as he placed him back on his chest.

Tsukishima heard Kuroo answering his question, but his eyelids slowly dropped, exhaustion taking over his body. He heard bits and pieces but only one phrase made its way completely to Tsukishima’s brain.

_“…my answer is no, I have not moved on completely…”_

His heart was held in yet another tight grip before he finally fell asleep.

It was 3 in the morning when Tsukishima realized he fell asleep before he heard Kuroo’s complete answer. But then again, he didn’t really need to because he already heard the gist of it. Kuroo has not moved on, their arrangement continues.

He slowly raised himself to lay his back on Kuroo’s headboard, being extra careful not to wake the other whose arms were earlier around his shoulders, now around his torso.

Tsukishima grabbed the sketchpad that he purposely left on the nightstand, like he always did. It was to keep him sane whenever he woke up while the rest of the world was sleeping. He already learned from the first night how depressing his mood became whenever he woke up at that ungodly hour while he was at Kuroo’s apartment. He almost woke up Kuroo multiple times before because of how much he stopped himself from breaking down on the spot.

He grabbed a pencil, looking at the piece of art beside him. He studied Kuroo’s face, drew the peaceful look he had, as he got lost in pouring his emotions in the small piece of paper. He had hundreds of versions of how Kuroo looked whenever he was asleep, all stored in the small sketchbook Tsukishima had, which was now running out of space. He adored, no, _loved_ Kuroo that much.

Tsukishima paid attention to every stroke, every detail of Kuroo’s face. He drew nonstop for what seemed like hours until the sun hit the paper he was drawing on. That was the only thing that brought back Tsukishima to reality. He had been drawing Kuroo’s sleeping form from multiple angles until the sun came out from its hiding.

He carefully removed Kuroo’s arm around him and slowly made his way to his kitchen. He took out all the ingredients for the breakfast he usually cooked for Kuroo and his roommate, Bokuto. The only thing that was different this time was that he took out more ingredients that were enough for another helping.

He was placing down the plates when Kuroo entered the kitchen. He was rubbing his eyes, half-sleeping as he made his way to their dining table. He greeted Tsukishima before he sat down and thanked him for the food. It wasn’t after a few minutes, a spoon in his mouth, that he realized who he just thanked.

“You stayed?” a sleepy but giddy voice asked. He turned to Kuroo and stared at his half droopy eyelids. _If only this could happen every day. I can imagine living with Kuroo-san, waking up to his face every morning, cooking him breakfast and lunch. That would be nice if he actually liked me and I wasn’t lying to his face._

“You looked like you really wanted me to stay the other day, so I did.” He turned back to the last batch of pancakes he was cooking, getting startled when a pair of arms made its way around his waist. He tried to hide his blush, being careful not to get distracted by the heat emanating against his back from Kuroo’s naked chest. If he didn’t snap out of it as soon as he did, he was going to have to throw away anything he had on the pan. He almost burned their breakfast.

Someone suddenly shouted, startling both of them. Kuroo shouted as well, which almost made Tsukishima throw the frying pan at the pair who was busy screaming their lungs out.

“Why are you making porn in the morning?!” Bokuto exclaimed which made Tsukishima choke on his saliva. Kuroo immediately grabbed a glass and filled it with water for him. He thanked him and drank the water, Kuroo now glaring at Bokuto.

Tsukishima made his way to the table, serving the remaining pancakes before he sat down to eat. He ignored the two idiots bickering and started to put tons of stuff on his pancake.

“You’re so dumb, you know that?” Bokuto just laughed and sat down at the table. He thanked Tsukishima for the food and started eating.

When they were done with breakfast, Kuroo offered to drive Tsukishima to school. His car was still on campus because they used Kuroo’s car when they went to his apartment.

On the way to their university, they were quiet, exchanging a few words here and there. They were awkward because of their conversation a few hours prior, even when Tsukishima fell asleep before he heard Kuroo’s whole answer.

When they arrived, both of them made no move to exit the car. Silence prevailed in the car, the atmosphere growing more uncomfortable by the second. It wasn’t until Kuroo leaned his face towards Tsukishima, startling the latter. He kissed his forehead before telling him to have a good day in class. Tsukishima just replied a ‘you too’ before leaving the car. It wasn’t until he was a few meters away that he realized

_Kuroo kissed his forehead._

* * *

It was around 5 PM when Tsukishima got dismissed from the meeting in his organization. He badly wanted to get home, tired from all of the events he had to tend to the whole day. He also had a stack of paperwork that he needed to get done before the weekends. He was tired, he was also in a bad mood. He hasn’t seen Kuroo in a few days, both of them busy because of their requirements.

He was near his car when a particular blonde approached him.

“Hey, Tsukishima, right? Can we talk?” Kenma had a determined look on his face which made Tsukishima think that he had no choice but to accept Kenma’s invitation.

“Sure,”

Kenma made a gesture for Tsukishima to follow him, both of them ending up in the benches near the parking lot. The sun was still up, a few students lingering in the parking lot. It wasn’t before a few cars had left that Kenma started up a conversation.

“Kuroo has been my best friend for almost all my life. He was there through every aspect of my life like I was with him. He’s sweet, you know. He puts everyone else before him, always letting other people first even if it meant that he had to finish last. He knows everything about me, knows me more than anyone else. I like to believe that I know everything about him as well. He doesn’t eat sweet things on a daily basis but when he’s stressed―”

“He fills up on sweets. What’s your point?” Tsukishima was confused, he wasn’t sure what Kenma was trying to say. He knew Kuroo enough to know the things he said, he knew how selfless he was. He has liked him for almost a year and a half and has been in the arrangement with him for 2 months. It was impossible for him to not notice those things when all he has done was to observe Kuroo.

Kenma had a small smile, head facing forward, not looking at Tsukishima. He ignored Tsukishima’s question and continued with what he was saying.

“When he’s anxious―” Kenma was again cut off from what he was saying.

“He fiddles with his fingers. I asked you what’s your point?” Tsukishima was ignored again. He was getting aggravated by Kenma avoiding his questions. Half of him wanted to listen to Kenma, but half of him wanted to get angry and lash out at him for making Kuroo so miserable before. But he didn’t.

“When he’s nervous―”

“He has a habit of rambling. Why are you doing this?” He wanted to leave. He felt like he was wasting his time talking to Kenma when he could have finished a few papers at home. He knew he was being a little unfair, getting annoyed by Kenma’s attempt at talking to him just because he was Kuroo’s ex-boyfriend. He wanted to blame him so bad because he was the one that got him into the situation in the first place, but he knew better than to blame someone else for his stupid decisions.

“Do you know who knows more things about Kuroo than his best friend? The person who genuinely loves him and pays attention to everything he does,” Kenma smiled wider before he finally looked at Tsukishima. The sun was now setting, its dying light casting shadows on both their faces. His smile was there but his eyes were showing different things, sadness being one of them. “He needs someone who compliments his outgoing personality, someone who’s fit for him, he doesn’t need someone who contradicts it. Unfortunately for us, I did contradict it. I loved him too much that I was too afraid to speak up about my concerns, I thought that if we didn’t address them, we wouldn’t have to fight over them. Before I knew it, all the problems that piled up came crashing down on us. When we were best friends, we weren’t afraid to talk about anything. We addressed every problem. We lost that as lovers. We were so cautious, we avoided all the dangers, but what we didn’t know is that it will attack us all at once. I loved him but we both knew that deep down, both of us together was not the way to go. Now I see why we really weren’t meant to be,”

Tsukishima was now confused, not knowing what to do with the information Kenma just told him. He also didn’t know what his last line meant and why he even said it to Tsukishima.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“We know a lot about each other because we’ve been friends for years, yet you’ve only known him for two months and you know just as much as I do.” Tsukishima’s hands were now shaking, anxious after he heard the reason to Kenma spouting unnecessary information about Kuroo earlier. He was trying to prove a point, trying to get the message across to Tsukishima. _He’s revealing Tsukishima’s feelings._

Akaashi told him multiple times to stop his relationship with Kuroo before it got worse, he warned him countless of times, but he still didn’t listen. He wished he did. Now Kenma found out about his feelings, feelings that weren’t supposed to be there in the first place. It was only a matter of time before the information reached Kuroo. It wasn’t as if he could tell Kenma to hide it, he was Kuroo’s best friend, not his.

His thoughts were overflowing, filling every nook and cranny of his mind, almost making him break down on the spot.

His thoughts were interrupted when Kenma suddenly spoke, “I can see how much you make Kuroo happy, Tsukishima. The smile he has when he’s with you is different than any of the smiles I received even before we had a relationship,”

That was when Tsukishima realized, _Kenma didn’t know about his arrangement with Kuroo._ He just assumed that Tsukishima had feelings for Kuroo, assumed that they were only afraid to speak each other’s minds. Even though it pained him, Tsukishima quickly corrected Kenma’s assumptions.

“I think you misunderstood my affiliation with Kuroo-san, Kenma-san. We are not in any kind of relationship,” Kenma scoffed at his poor attempt of explaining, disbelief evident on his face.

“I’m not convinced with any of the bullshit that just came out of your mouth. Believe what you want to believe Tsukishima, your relationship looks different from the perspective of someone who’s just watching the two of you,” Kenma pointed out, face still filled with disbelief. He desperately wanted to show what Tsukishima and Kuroo’s relationship looked like to someone who was just watching them. He’s seen how the two interacted, they weren’t really exerting great effort to hide their feelings.

“What do you mean?”

“That’s for you to find out, Tsukishima. I’ll be leaving,” Before Tsukishima could even stop him, Kenma was already a few steps away from him. He didn’t make any move to even chase Kenma, he was too confused to even stand up from the bench they sat on earlier.

Tsukishima wasn’t dumb, he knew that their interactions were far from being just fuck buddies. But he thought it was Kuroo’s attempt to make him comfortable with the situation, so he never discouraged him. Another reason was that he enjoyed it, made him feel like they were actually together.

He thought it was starting to rain when he saw a drop of water on his pants. But he realized that the skies weren’t the ones pouring, his eyes were.

* * *

Tsukishima and Kuroo were in their usual café, black coffee in front of the latter, and a slice of strawberry shortcake in front of the former. They were discussing Tsukishima’s plans for the next day, his birthday. Kuroo made sure to not spill any details about their surprise, being careful not to seem suspicious to Tsukishima’s watchful eyes.

“Hey, Kei.” Kuroo’s voice cut through their split-second silence.

“Yes, Kuroo-san?” Tsukishima took careful bites out of his strawberry shortcake, savoring the only slice he had. He was sure that he needed room for food for the next day, so he already started making space.

“Can I take you somewhere tomorrow evening? You didn’t mention any plans in the evening so I assumed that you’re free,” He had a sheepish look, fingers busy fiddling with his mug, as he tried to hide the embarrassment of asking Tsukishima out on the night of his birthday.

“I don’t mind, Kuroo-san. I’m all yours tomorrow evening,” Tsukishima gave him a small smile, warmth seeping through the skin of his cheeks as he continued to eat his cake.

Kuroo smiled then proceeded to drink his coffee, giddy about being able to take Tsukishima to the place he always wanted to take him.

After finishing up in the café, they headed to Kuroo’s apartment. Bokuto was out-of-town and was going to return the next morning so they took the opportunity of having the apartment all to themselves. They made sure to take their business in Kuroo’s room this time. They didn’t want to end up getting caught sleeping naked in the living room again, scarring Bokuto in the process. They also made sure to lock the room before proceeding, not wanting Bokuto to barge in like that one time before.

Tsukishima was awakened by the harsh sunlight that was coming from Kuroo’s windows. He patted the space beside him, shocked that Kuroo woke up before him.

He picked up his clothes and folded them neatly before putting them inside his bag. He grabbed his spare set and made his way to Kuroo’s bathroom. After putting on the clothes, he proceeded to clean up the mess they made from the night before. He patted the tidy bed before going out of Kuroo’s room.

He smelled Kuroo’s cooking before he even saw him.

He was about to turn the corner to the kitchen when he heard two voices talking. It meant that Bokuto was home.

“I want to end it once and for all, Bo. I don’t want to be fuck buddies with Kei anymore. I’m tired of it. Please help me. What should I do?”

Tsukishima felt a rush of cold pass his body. If his heart was already crushed before, he wasn’t sure about its state now. He should have listened to Akaashi, he should have backed out before Kuroo even grew tired. He shouldn’t have even approached Kuroo in the first place, he shouldn’t have made that stupid decision.

There was a moment of silence before Bokuto answered Kuroo.

“Tell him the truth, Kuroo. Confess to Tsukishima. He deserves to know the truth,”

Tsukishima held back a sob. He quietly made his way back to Kuroo’s room, going straight for the bathroom. He locked the door behind him, immediately falling straight to the floor once it was closed. He hugged his knees tightly to his chest, blindly patting his pants for his phone.

With a blurry vision, he pressed 2 for his speed dial. It took a few rings before someone answered the opposite line.

“Kei?” Akaashi already had a worried tone in his voice. Tsukishima rarely called because he opted for text messages, except when he had something important to say.

“K-keiji,” Tsukishima immediately broke down in tears once he heard Akaashi’s voice. He desperately tried to lower down the sound of his cries, being careful not to be caught crying by either Kuroo or Bokuto. “P-please get me out of h-here,”

“I’ll be right there. Please try to calm down before I get there, Kei. Do you remember the breathing exercise we learned?”

“Y-yes,” he tried his best to follow Akaashi’s counting, breathing in and out slowly.

It took a few minutes before Tsukishima finally calmed down his breathing. Akaashi stayed on the phone with him the whole time.

“I need to drive now, Kei. I have to drop the call, but please continue the breathing exercise.” Tsukishima was grateful for Akaashi, he was always there when he needed him. Always helping him get through his problems, never leaving before he is sure that Tsukishima’s fine.

“Thank you, Akaashi.” When Akaashi dropped the call, Tsukishima stood up and made his way out of the bathroom. He made sure that his eyes weren’t as puffy before showing himself to Kuroo and Bokuto.

“Good Morning, Kei! Happy Birthday!” Kuroo and Bokuto greeted at the same time. Tsukishima almost forgot; it was his birthday. What a great way to spend the morning, crying his heart out inside the bathroom.

“Morning. Thank you,” Tsukishima noticed that there were pancakes on the table. He also noticed a strawberry shortcake with candles in the middle of it all. He was about to be happy because of their effort but he remembered their conversation a while ago.

He held back his tears, gave the two of them a smile before sitting down at the table.

“I cooked breakfast this time, Kei! Aren’t you proud of me?” Kuroo hugged Tsukishima from behind his chair which made a few tears escape Tsukishima’s eyes.

“Oh no, Tsukishima is crying Kuroo. What did you do?” Bokuto instantly panicked once he saw Tsukishima crying at the table.

“I’m just so happy, Kuroo-san, Bokuto-san. Thank you for this wonderful breakfast you made for me, as well as this cake.” Tsukishima gave them both the widest smile he could muster. _Fake, all of it, fake._ “Oh, I forgot to mention. Keiji will fetch me this morning, he said he wanted to show me something.” _Excuses._

“I thought I was going to drive you,” Kuroo whined and gave Tsukishima a pout while the latter just laughed at his childishness. He was going to miss this.

“Keiji and the others are upset that I’ve been spending more time with you for the past few days. They said they wanted some alone time with me on my birthday,” It was half true, the others really were upset, and they wanted some time with him. But that wasn’t the reason he was leaving so soon. They weren’t going to meet up until half-past ten.

“That’s understandable. I don’t want to make your friends feel like I’m stealing you from them. Well at least I get to have you later in the evening,” Kuroo had a mischievous smile on his face, indicating the malice behind his plans for Tsukishima later.

Tsukishima gave him a tiny laugh, cursing himself in his head for forgetting that he also had to spend time with Kuroo in the evening. He wasn’t sure if Kuroo will tell him the truth later or if he’s going to let his birthday pass out of respect for Tsukishima. But none of it mattered when Tsukishima already formulated his plans. He’s going to have to do something before Kuroo even gets close to telling him about ending their arrangement.

There was a knock at the door a few minutes after Tsukishima finished the breakfast Kuroo made for him. He immediately stood up from the table and grabbed his bag that he moved to the living room couch. Before he reached the door, Kuroo grabbed his arms.

“I’ll fetch you later, okay? I’ll also give my gift later,” he smiled at Tsukishima before he leaned in to give him a kiss on his forehead. A tear slipped from Tsukishima’s eyes, which he quickly wiped away before Kuroo noticed.

“Okay. Thank you again for the breakfast and the cake,” he didn’t wait for Kuroo’s response and left the apartment without bidding him goodbye.

Akaashi didn’t say anything when Tsukishima’s tears ran down his face like a broken dam. He let the man sob his heart out, only making a move to grab his backpack off him.

He didn’t stop crying even when they were in Akaashi’s car, nor did he stop when they were back in their apartment. Akaashi just waited patiently for Tsukishima to calm down, to explain to him what happened back in Kuroo’s apartment. When Tsukishima finally stopped crying, he immediately gave him a glass of water.

“I won’t force anything out of you. Like always, if you’re ready to tell me, I’ll gladly listen.” As always, Akaashi had a concerned look on his face. Tsukishima knew how much he wanted to ask, how much he wanted to meddle with his situation. He appreciated Akaashi for always understanding him, always letting him off the hook. But it was time for him to let Akaashi in, to let others help him.

“You’ve already been so patient with me, Keiji. I just need a few minutes to calm down and then I’ll tell you,” Akaashi just nodded before claiming a seat beside Tsukishima on the couch. He just fiddled with his fingers while he waited for Tsukishima to speak.

He was getting filled with thoughts about what had happened before Tsukishima ended their silence.

“Kenma talked to me the other day. He knows about my feelings, Keiji. He’s aware of my feelings for Kuroo. But it doesn’t matter anyway.” Akaashi had a confused look on his face, “Kuroo-san’s tired, Keiji. I knew the time would come but I just wanted to be selfish for a little while longer. It’s funny how fate fucks you up, but I can’t really blame it. I’ve been keeping Kuroo-san from finding someone, I’ve been too selfish, Keiji. I just hate how fate wanted the day that my heart gets crushed to be my birthday,” Tsukishima laughed to himself, the tears once again on the verge of making its way down his face. He wanted to scream, wanted to curse the way things are. But if he just approached Kuroo like a normal person, if he didn’t suggest the whole ‘fuck buddy’ thing, would they have interacted at all? Would Tsukishima even get close to knowing Kuroo as he did now?

All kinds of thoughts were filling his mind, most of them laughing at him, mocking him for the mistake he made. Voices were shouting at him, telling him he deserved the pain he was experiencing now because he’s been selfish. He couldn’t help but agree with them. He couldn’t feel anything in his heart but pain, like a hand grasping and crushing his heart slowly.

“What do you mean ‘tired’?” The moment Akaashi said the word ‘tired’, Tsukishima’s tears became harder to hold. He ran a shaky hand through his blonde hair, clasping it with his other on top of his lap.

“It came from his mouth, Keiji. He said he wanted to end our agreement, he said he was tired of it. H-he was asking Bokuto what he should do, and he told him to confess to me, to tell me the truth.”

Akaashi didn’t think he heard Tsukishima correctly. He didn’t want to think badly about Kuroo, but he never expected him to do that. Sure, he knew that there was a possibility of him reacting badly once he finds out the truth from Tsukishima, but he never thought Kuroo would be the one to end the agreement.

Even after crying almost a bucket full of tears, Tsukishima still had more inside him.

It was his birthday and yet he was spending the morning of it crying. He should have been having fun, spending the day with his friends. Now, all he wanted to do was to get drunk and forget about everything that he heard.

“Kei, as much as I want to keep you here until you’re fine, I know you won’t be.” Akaashi sighed before he wrapped his arms around Tsukishima. “I want you to enjoy your birthday, not spend it cooped up in our apartment, crying. It may sound unfair of me to ask this, but please forget about what you heard temporarily. Today is your birthday, you should be having fun.”

Tsukishima returned Akaashi’s hug, muttering a small thanks against the latter’s chest. He was thankful for Akaashi, thankful for all the things that he has done for him. Akaashi understood him the most, knew what to do whenever he had a problem. Out of all the people that came and went in Tsukishima’s life, Akaashi was the one that never left. He never left him despite his horrible attitude, and he was beyond thankful.

For the rest of the day, Tsukishima tried his best to keep his mind off Kuroo. He never showed his friends even a slight hint about what was going on inside his head. Thousand of thoughts were invading his head but he did what he could just to enjoy the day. He didn’t want his friends to worry about him, nor did he have the intention of letting them know what happened.

Oikawa and Sugawara were giggling as they guided a blindfolded Tsukishima who was getting annoyed by their noise. He guessed about their surprise a few days ago, they weren’t being discreet about it. But despite his awareness, he was still thankful for their efforts for him. He wouldn’t let them know that though, he wouldn’t hear the end of it.

Tsukishima got more annoyed when they almost made him run into a wall. It took a few more minutes of giggling and stumbling before the three of them came to a halt. He heard a door opening before his blindfold was taken off his face. Which didn’t matter because his surroundings were pitch black, only hearing the soft noises of movements.

He was about to ask Oikawa and Sugawara what was happening when he got startled by tons of voices shouting at the same time.

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KEI/TSUKISHIMA!”

He immediately heard a few of the others fighting about the name they agreed on. In the end, it didn’t matter because Tsukishima’s attention was focused solely on Kuroo who was grinning at him widely.

For the rest of the night, his friends and acquaintances handed him gifts, greeting him, and giving him well-wishes. It ranged from the size of a penny to a huge appliance box. He wasn’t the type to enjoy free things, especially gifts, but he made an exception solely for that night.

Tsukishima has been keen on avoiding Kuroo’s eyes for the whole party, while the latter has been glancing for more times than what was normal. The latter looked worried for the whole duration of surprise, curious as to why Tsukishima was avoiding him. He did not want to overthink though, maybe he was just too preoccupied with their friends.

When the surprise party finally came to an end, Kuroo made his way to Tsukishima who was talking in hushed tones with Akaashi. But when they noticed Kuroo, they immediately finished what they were talking about.

Akaashi bid his goodbye to Tsukishima, wishing him the best for both his birthday and his date with Kuroo. He patted the latter’s shoulders before he finally left him alone with Kuroo.

“You ready to go, Kei?” When Tsukishima turned to him, he was surprised that his eyes were swollen. He wanted to ask him about it but decided against it. Maybe he was just emotional about the surprise or whatever he and Akaashi talked about.

“Yes. Anyway, where are you taking me, Kuroo-san?” Kuroo just grinned at him before taking his hands and intertwining it with his own. He dragged Tsukishima to his car where a plushie was sitting on the passenger seat.

The plushie was a pale green Brachiosaurus. It was at least 9 inches in height with cute beady eyes and a small blush on its face which mirrored the one on Tsukishima’s face. He found the little dino cute, but he’d rather drop dead than admit it to Kuroo.

“I remember you had small dinosaur figures on your study desk back at your dorm, so I assumed you liked them.” Kuroo rubbed the back of his neck, now sporting his own blush. He wasn’t sure if Tsukishima really liked the specie, but he wished he was right about his assumption.

Tsukishima gave him a small grin before thanking him. “I do like them, Kuroo-san. Thank you for this,” he pushed what he heard earlier to the back of his mind, wanting to just enjoy the last few moments he has with Kuroo.

When they entered the car, Kuroo grabbed a paper bag from the backseat and handed it to Tsukishima. The latter then decided to look inside where a dark blue piece of clothing was neatly folded. A piece of paper was on top of it.

_‘You told me you had one of these when you were a kid. You also mentioned you kinda missed them, so I searched for one and I was lucky because I found one! It isn’t purple though. It also doesn’t have the same print on the hood :(((“_

Tsukishima had a guess as to what was inside the paper bag and he was surprised because he only mentioned that to Kuroo in passing. He grabbed the piece of clothing and took it out of its neat fold. Out came a dark blue hoodie with a yellow moon embroidered on its left chest. It smelled faintly of the detergent Kuroo uses when he does his laundry.

“I hope you don’t mind but I already washed it. You said you always washed new clothes before wearing them and I kind of want you to wear the hoodie now because we’re going somewhere a little cold.” Kuroo was rambling and Tsukishima found it endearing. It was a habit he had when he was nervous, and Tsukishima always thought it was cute.

“No problem, Kuroo-san.” He slipped into the hoodie and immediately praised Kuroo in his mind. He felt comfortable and warm when he wore it. He also felt the softness of the fabric against his skin, which he proceeded to melt into on the passenger seat.

“Uhh Kei, if you don’t mind, can you call me Tetsurou for tonight? I’m not going to force you if you don’t want to―” Kuroo was cut off by a quiet laugh. He glanced at Tsukishima who was already looking at him with a small smile on his face.

“You don’t need to be nervous about asking me. I’m fine with it, Tetsu. Wait, is Tetsu fine with you?” Tsukishima saw the blush spread from Kuroo’s neck to his ears as he nodded to his question. The latter now had his own smile, wider than the ones Tsukishima saw before.

The smile caused another blush to appear on Tsukishima’s face which forced him to turn away from Kuroo and stare at the cars passing them by.

A few more hours of small talk and staring outside passed by before their car finally came to a halt.

Tsukishima’s eyes shined as he saw the moon glimmering against the water, the waves rippling through the sand. He looked at Kuroo who was mirroring the smile he unknowingly had, a tired but happy look in his eyes.

“Why the beach, Tetsu?” Kuroo glanced at the beach before he turned back to Tsukishima.

“I passed by this beach a few weeks ago when I was returning from my parent’s house. The moon’s reflection looked so nice on the water. It kind of reminded me of you.” He didn’t elaborate on what he was staying, instead, he nudged Tsukishima towards the beach. “Go on. I’ll follow you after a few minutes.”

He was busy staring at the reflection of the moon while sitting at the sand when Kuroo finally reappeared. He had a bottle of wine in one hand and two glasses on the other. It was when Tsukishima could fully see him that he laughed the loudest laugh he could muster.

Kuroo had a rose in between his teeth, dancing to the music that was playing on the phone in his pocket. He placed the wine on the sand before grabbing the rose and presenting it slowly to Tsukishima. At this point, he was holding onto his stomach while laughing at Kuroo’s antics.

They both laughed at each other while Kuroo turned off his music and Tsukishima grabbed the rose off him. Kuroo sat down beside him and opened the bottle of wine. He filled one glass and gave it to Tsukishima before filling the other one.

“Why wine, Tetsu?” Tsukishima asked as he took sips from his glass.

“It would have been cliché if I brought a picnic basket, wouldn’t it? I also knew you’d be full of the food at your surprise party earlier. Knowing you, eating again wouldn’t be too appealing now. So, I opted for wine, the second most romantic thing to have at the beach.” Kuroo’s eyebrows raised suggestively at Tsukishima’s eyebrows, which the latter rolled his eyes at.

It took a few moments of silence before they felt the atmosphere around them heating up. Despite having sex the night before, the two of them didn’t seem satiated. Before they knew it, their lips were tangled with each other.

Kuroo moved back from the kiss for a moment, making an involuntary whine come out of Tsukishima’s lips. He pressed his forehead against Tsukishima’s, panting.

“I booked a room in a nearby hotel―” before he finished, his lips were captured by Tsukishima in another kiss. “Less talking, more moving. Go.”

Tsukishima didn’t know how it happened or how it was even possible, but they reached the hotel without ending up having sex in the car on the side of the road.

Before Tsukishima could even fully enter the hotel room, he was pushed to the wall, caught off guard with another kiss from Kuroo.

He couldn’t quite pinpoint what it was, but there was something different with the way Kuroo captured his lips. It was sensual but there was something soft about it, almost as if he were cherishing the way their lips met. It was slow, the exact opposite of its effect on Tsukishima’s heart

Unlike many of their previous endeavor, Kuroo took his time. He made it seem like he was admiring the way Tsukishima’s body fit perfectly with his, how smooth every movement transitioned to the other.

Tsukishima was overwhelmed, but he let himself enjoy what was happening. It was his birthday, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with appreciating how it felt to have Kuroo’s warm body against his.

Kuroo’s kisses made its way down, along with his hands that found its way to Tsukishima’s thighs. He once again lifted Tsukishima to his torso, hands making its way to his butt, carrying him towards Kuroo’s bedroom.

He placed him down on his bed, hands and mouth never leaving Tsukishima’s body as he removed every article of clothing that was preventing him from seeing the man completely. He was a moaning mess, and yet Kuroo still made time to admire his vulnerability as he took off his own clothes.

When Kuroo placed himself back on top of Tsukishima, he made sure to leave marks everywhere, even the most visible areas.

Tsukishima was getting frustrated by the minute. Kuroo was taking his precious time and Tsukishima didn’t want that. He wanted to feel Kuroo against him, inside him. He was getting anxious, so he did the most impulsive thing he has done, he turned them both around. He was now on top of Kuroo, sitting on his torso.

He licked and sucked every part he could, taking advantage of the short opportunity Kuroo gave him. He was never the one who took initiative, so he did his best to make the most out of it. After all, if he finds the strength and courage, it would be the last time he was going to have the opportunity.

Even when Kuroo was enjoying every single moment of Tsukishima’s sudden bravery, he was also getting frustrated. He quickly turned them around, immediately inserting two digits into Tsukishima. The latter just moaned and writhed underneath him as he gave him back the reigns.

A few more minutes of teasing and groping before Tsukishima impatiently placed his hands on Kuroo’s throbbing member. The latter groaned as the former stroked and rubbed it, getting momentarily distracted.

Kuroo groaned before removing Tsukishima’s hands and replacing them with his own. With his other hand, he widened the spread of Tsukishima’s legs before positioning himself at his entrance.

The both of them moaned as Kuroo’s member finally found its way inside Tsukishima.

For every thrust he received, it delivered tugs of pain to his heart. Instead of a million, there was only one thing circulating around Tsukishima’s mind. _It was the last, it was the last, it was the last._

If this was the last time he’ll feel Kuroo’s body against him, feel the way his hands wandered throughout his body while leaving a hot trail on its path; he should make the most out of it.

Instead of overthinking like he always did, he let himself get lost in Kuroo’s touch. He let himself appreciate the way Kuroo’s hands held his legs, tight enough to secure it but never tight enough to hurt him. He observed the way Kuroo’s eyes closed when his thrusts gave him the most pleasure, and the way he fights against closing it, wanting to stare at Tsukishima’s face. He enjoyed the sudden kisses, the way he presses his forehead against his before smiling and going back to thrusting. He loved the way their voices echoed against the empty room, the heat that radiated from the two of them. Even with the ugliest expressions, Kuroo never failed to make them attractive to Tsukishima’s eyes.

But Tsukishima had to face the reality. He remembered that he was only observing, treasuring the memory, because it was the last time he was going to see it. Even after a few hours, even when Kuroo was laying beside him, asleep, he was still treasuring the moment. He didn’t want to forget it, so even when he was tired and his eyes just wanted to close, he still stared at Kuroo with eyes that now held his raw emotions. He had a piece of paper that he found on the side table, a pen beside it, and was drawing the way Kuroo looked on his last day with him. If his memory forgets this image, at least he had a drawing to remind him of it.

When he was sure that Kuroo was sleeping soundly, he did his best to gather his clothes, not caring if his hips were hurting; his heart hurt more.

He picked up a piece of paper, writing down what he thought was the most appropriate goodbye he could think of.

_'Dear Kuroo-san,_

_For the past few months, you have been nothing but kind to me. Even if we were only fuck buddies, you never really made me feel like that was it. I never felt like I was just there for sex. You treated me like we were more than that, for that I am grateful._

_You were a good dream, Kuroo-san. But I believe it’s time for me to wake up. Thank you for the two months I spent with you._

_Yours, and will forever be yours,_

_Kei.'_

He glanced at Kuroo’s sleeping form, finally letting his tears fall from his eyes. He whispered the words he knew he was never going to say to Kuroo, before finally making his way to the door.

Before he could fully walk away from the bed, a hand reached out to grab his arm.

To say Tsukishima was shocked was a huge understatement. He wanted to look at Kuroo, but at the same time, he didn’t.

“Don’t leave,” a sleepy voice said, which caused Tsukishima to look at Kuroo.

His tears didn’t stop, instead, more of them flowed down his cheeks. He silently laughed to himself as he found himself looking at a still sleeping Kuroo. Of course, he wasn’t awake, he didn’t hear what he said and decided that he also had feelings for him.

He carefully removed Kuroo’s hands, cupping a hand to his mouth as he let out a small sob, before running the rest of the way to the door.

He wanted to look back, he desperately did. He wanted Kuroo to chase him, tell him he’s going to listen to Tsukishima, that he’ll love him no matter what. But that was just what he wanted, not what Kuroo did.

He already called for an uber a few minutes ago and it was already waiting for him at the front of the hotel.

His tears didn’t stop even when the people at the lobby stared at him weirdly. It was almost 3 AM and a college guy was crying while making his way to his uber, nothing weirder than that.

When he arrived at his shared apartment with Akaashi, he was grateful that the latter was a heavy sleeper and that he only woke up when his alarm rings.

He made his way to his room, grabbed a suitcase, and filled it with everything he could before Akaashi’s alarm rang. He grabbed a pen and paper, leaving an apology for his abrupt disappearance, explaining everything he could in a small piece of paper.

He made sure that Akaashi was still sleeping before he pulled his suitcase and made his way to their front door. He looked back at their apartment, tears still flowing as he stared at it one last time. He reminisced all their memories, all the moments he shared with the people he loved inside that apartment. He cried for the friends he’ll leave behind, the worry they’ll feel once they found out. But he knew it was for the best, it was all he could think of that could make him fully forget Kuroo.

Even if he wanted to say his goodbyes to Akaashi properly, he knew better than to tell him his plans. He knew how much he’ll worry and stop him from continuing his plan. He knew Akaashi better than anyone else, he knew he was going to ask him to tell Kuroo the truth. He didn’t want to, he couldn’t. He didn’t want his last memory of Kuroo to be of him getting angry at Tsukishima, getting upset for all the lies he made him believe. He wanted his last memory of him to be like how he usually spends his nights with him, just staring at his sleeping form. Just Tsukishima appreciating the fact that God let him have this man even if it was just for a short while.

It was in his car, a few hours after leaving Kuroo, when he realized that he left his drawings of him; both his sketchpad and the paper back at the hotel. The only thing left to remind him of the way he looked while he was beside him, was gone. There wasn’t anything he could hold onto that will remind him of the only times that he felt like he belonged with Kuroo, even his memories weren’t guaranteed to remember all the details. The scent of the hoodie he gave will fade like the memories he has for every day that passes by.

He guessed it was the way the Gods reminded him that _Kuroo really was just a good dream_.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for finishing my au! If you liked it, please wait for the upcoming sequel TuT.  
> I'll write that in Kuroo's POV so...


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